A Farewell

On Monday my family gathered at Wisos Bowling Club in Wollongong alongside his colleagues and friends to say our goodbyes. It was a fitting send of to a man who played a variety of roles in our lives, but who's main drives tended to be the simple things - simple food, normal beer, and hanging out. My mum and aunt had taken the passing of their brother pretty hard, so I offered to speak at the service we were having. My brother spoke too, sharing a rejigged poem he'd written, you see we had come somewhat prepared. You see for the last couple of decades Uncle Paul had reminded us as each milestone birthday loomed, that he’d be dead by the next one. For his 70th the family played into this joke - and held a mock funeral for him, complete with miniature coffin stuffed with notes and eulogies from his friends and family. While we can look back at that with some irony today, what it did enable is for him to hear and share the memories and stories from his loved ones.

He was a great uncle. He would always join in the kids games, mostly one handed while he nursed a stubbie, but he’d never shy away from hanging with the kids. The kids table at any family event usually had the better food, and to be honest, the better conversation. He was a great uncle - he nailed it with his birthday and Christmas presents - strictly cash, what every kid really wants. He had time for us, and an infectious giggle that seemed to get him out of trouble and will be missed. I shared what I wrote, as apparently it was one of the few that were deemed safe enough to be read out in public and with kids in the room.

I spent some time trying to find the right words for this day, your funeral. It is challenging to try and sum up a life lived and the impact that it has had on those around them. I spent time down at the Torrens staring out across the water (trying not to notice the rats and floating debris) to ponder the news of your passing.

As the last rays of the sun glistened across the water a phrase came that I think does you justice:

The exception that proves the rule.

There are many ways to live a life, and over time, even the most rebellious tend to conform to the well-worn path - but not you. There are those put on the planet who are there to buck the trend and live life their way. The importance of these exceptions lies in their ability to highlight the boundaries of the path, to force those around them to question the rules and help define the meaning, limitations and scope of life itself.

We all take something different from such a life lived, as it highlights different aspects of our innate natures. For me, it has been the contentment of living simply and frugally and not needing to seek more, of having a routine, and the joy of simple pleasures. The smokes. The beers. The bowlo.

You have taken what seems to be a monastic approach to a life devoted to these things. A Boganesque Buddhism. A Dao of Durrys.

While we cannot all devote ourselves to this calling, we stand in awe at someone who has attained this enlightenment. A true Grand Master.

It is from this that we draw strength and lessons. We can take joy in speeding down the highway and making good time, taking time out to retreat into the backyard for a sneaky fag, and knowing you don't need all that fancy crap.

Thanks Paul

One of my uncle's best mates let us know his son had painted a tribute on one of the walls close to the city. Nuts was my uncles nickname from school.